The Habit That Was Slowly Stealing My Life
It started innocently enough – just checking my phone while my coffee brewed each morning. But by last...
It started innocently enough – just checking my phone while my kids ate breakfast each morning. But by last spring, I realized I was scrolling through social media before I’d even fully opened my eyes.
The morning I found myself comparing my unmade bed to a stranger’s perfectly styled bedroom at 6:47 AM – while my daughter was calling my name from the kitchen – I knew something had to change.
I wasn’t just collecting digital clutter anymore. I was collecting other people’s lives, other people’s problems, and other people’s highlight reels, and carrying them around in my pocket everywhere I went.
The habit wasn’t just stealing my time. It was stealing my peace.
I’d been letting my attention leak out in tiny increments all day long, never realizing how much it was costing me. A quick scroll while waiting for my coffee to brew. Another scroll while my lunch heated up. Just a peek at Instagram while I waited between client sessions. A little browsing while watching TV with my husband.
Each individual moment felt harmless. But added together, they were creating a constant background hum of other people’s lives that was drowning out my own.
My client Lauren described it perfectly: “I know everything about people I’ve never met, but I couldn’t tell you what I actually want for my own life anymore.”
That’s when the recognition hit me: I wasn’t just decluttering my physical spaces. I needed to declutter my mental space too.
The problem wasn’t that social media is inherently bad or that I needed to become a digital hermit. The problem was that I’d developed unconscious habits around consumption that were feeding my brain a steady diet of comparison, overwhelm, and artificial urgency.
I was treating my phone like a snack I could reach for whenever I felt slightly bored, slightly anxious, or slightly uncertain about what to do next. But instead of nourishing me, it was leaving me feeling more scattered and less connected to my actual life.
The reflection process started with a simple awareness exercise. For three days, I didn’t try to change anything – I just noticed when I reached for my phone and what I was feeling in that moment.
What I discovered was illuminating and a little embarrassing.
I reached for my phone when I felt anxious about a client session (instead of processing the anxiety). I scrolled when I felt bored during my kid’s bedtime routine (instead of being present with them). I checked social media when I felt uncertain about a decision (instead of sitting with the uncertainty long enough to find my own answer).
I was using digital input to avoid being present with my own experience.
The renewal came when I realized that reclaiming my attention wasn’t about willpower – it was about creating intentional boundaries around how I consumed information, just like I’d learned to create boundaries around how I consumed everything else.
I started with simple swaps. Instead of scrolling while my kids got ready for school, I stood by the window and looked at the mountains. Instead of checking my phone during transition moments, I took three deep breaths. Instead of browsing before bed, I read actual books that fed my mind instead of fragmenting it.
But the biggest shift was changing my relationship with boredom and discomfort.
I started seeing those small moments of wanting-to-scroll as invitations to be present with myself. When I felt the urge to reach for my phone, I paused and asked: What am I avoiding right now? What do I need instead of distraction?
Sometimes the answer was rest. Sometimes it was connection. Sometimes it was just the courage to sit with uncertainty without immediately filling it with input.
The rise has been discovering how much more creative and connected I became when I stopped outsourcing my internal experience to algorithm-driven feeds.
When I wasn’t constantly consuming other people’s thoughts, I had space for my own thoughts. When I wasn’t comparing my real life to other people’s highlight reels, I could appreciate what was actually in front of me. When I wasn’t carrying everyone else’s problems in my pocket, I had energy for my own growth and my family’s needs.
This doesn’t mean I deleted all social media or threw my phone in a drawer. I still use technology intentionally. But I stopped letting it use me unconsciously.
Now I treat my digital consumption like I treat my food consumption – with awareness and intention. Some content nourishes me, challenges me to grow, or genuinely adds value to my life. Some content is just empty calories that leave me feeling worse than before I consumed it.
I curate my feeds like I curate my closet – keeping what serves me and letting go of what drains me. I follow accounts that inspire me to be more myself, not more like someone else. I consume content that educates, uplifts, or genuinely entertains me, and I unfollow anything that consistently triggers comparison or anxiety.
Most importantly, I’ve learned to distinguish between connection and consumption. Reading about other people’s lives isn’t the same as connecting with the people in my actual life. Staying informed isn’t the same as staying constantly plugged in.
Your digital environment affects your mental environment just as much as your physical environment does.
Here’s what I want you to try this week:
For three days, just notice when you reach for your phone and what you’re feeling in that moment. Don’t try to change anything yet – just observe.
Then ask yourself: What would happen if instead of scrolling, you paused and gave yourself what you actually need in that moment? Maybe it’s a drink of water, a moment of stillness, a text to a friend you actually want to connect with, or just the permission to feel bored for thirty seconds.
Start small. Pick one transition moment in your day – maybe while waiting for coffee to brew, or right before bed – and practice being present with yourself instead of reaching for digital distraction.
Connected reading:
Your attention is your most precious resource. You get to choose what deserves it.
With gratitude,
A few friendly notes: Client names are always changed to protect privacy. This newsletter may contain affiliate links to products I genuinely love and use myself. While I'm a licensed therapist, this content is for educational purposes and isn't medical advice - think of it as a conversation with a friend who happens to know about mental health. For personalized support, always consult your healthcare provider.