She Got Everything She Wanted and Felt Empty Inside
When success doesn't feel like enough
Hi friends,
I need to tell you about Rachel because her story has been sitting with me all week, and I think it might resonate with some of you too.
Rachel came to our video session two months after getting promoted to director at her company. This was the role she'd been working toward for two years—longer hours, extra projects, networking events she didn't want to attend, all leading to this moment.
"I should be celebrating," she said, staring at her hands. "I worked so hard for this. But I just feel... nothing. Actually, worse than nothing. I feel empty."
She looked up at me with this expression I've seen so many times—the face of someone who climbed the mountain they thought they wanted, only to discover the view from the top isn't what they expected.
When achievement becomes addiction
As Rachel talked, I started to see the pattern. Graduate summa cum laude led to the prestigious first job, which led to the first promotion, which led to the next promotion, which led to... what exactly?
"I don't even know what I want anymore," she admitted. "I just know how to want the next thing."
This is what happens when we mistake achievement for fulfillment. We get really good at climbing ladders without stopping to check if they're leaning against the right wall.
Rachel had been so focused on external validation—the promotion, the salary, the title—that she'd lost touch with what actually mattered to her. She was succeeding by everyone else's definition while slowly dying by her own.
The question that changed everything
I asked Rachel something that stopped her cold: "If no one else would ever know about your accomplishments, what would you want to do with your life?"
Long silence. The kind of silence that happens when someone realizes they haven't asked themselves that question in years.
"I think... I think I'd want to teach," she finally said. "Or write. Or travel. I don't know. I haven't thought about what I actually enjoy in forever."
That's when I knew we'd found it. Rachel had been using achievements to prove her worth instead of expressing her values. Every promotion was evidence that she was good enough, valuable enough, smart enough. But the validation never lasted.
"It's like I'm running on a treadmill," she said. "I keep moving faster, but I never actually get anywhere that feels meaningful."
What fulfillment actually looks like
Over the next few weeks, Rachel and I explored what she actually valued, not what she thought she should value. Turns out, she cared more about creativity and connection than status and salary.
She started making small changes. She took an art class on weekends. She volunteered to mentor junior employees. She said no to projects that felt soul-crushing, even if they would look good on her resume.
The promotion stayed the same, but how she approached it changed completely.
"I realized I was chasing other people's dreams," she told me recently. "I was so busy trying to be impressive that I forgot to be interested."
The permission you might need
Rachel's story makes me think about how many of us are succeeding in ways that don't actually satisfy us. We check all the boxes that society says matter while ignoring the voice inside that's asking "But what do YOU want?"
Success doesn't have to look like what everyone else thinks it should look like. Your version of achievement might be different from your parents', your friends', or your industry's definition.
You're allowed to want things that don't make sense to other people. You're allowed to change direction even if you've already invested time in the wrong path. You're allowed to define success by how it feels, not just how it looks.
What I'm wondering
Are you chasing goals that actually matter to you, or goals that you think should matter? Are you achieving things that impress others but leave you feeling empty?
Maybe you're in a career that looks perfect on paper but drains your soul. Maybe you're pursuing a lifestyle that photographs well but doesn't feel like home. Maybe you're succeeding in all the ways that count to everyone except yourself.
Hit reply and tell me. What would you do if you could define success entirely on your own terms?
Rachel is learning that the goal isn't to be successful by someone else's definition—it's to be fulfilled by your own. She's discovering that there's a difference between being impressive and being satisfied.
What would fulfillment look like for you?
Talk to you soon,
Mary
