Hi friends,
I have to tell you about last Saturday because I think I finally understand something that's been puzzling me about my clients and honestly about myself too.
I woke up with this whole list of things I was going to accomplish. Clean out the closet, prep meals for the week, respond to emails, maybe finally organize that pile of papers on my desk.
But then I sat down with my coffee and just... didn't.
I scrolled through my phone, stared out the window, watched some random show I'd already seen, and spent some time reading a book. And every few minutes, I'd think about the closet or the emails, and I'd feel this little spike of anxiety.
By noon, I was full-on spiraling. Not because anything bad had happened, but because I was "wasting" a perfectly good Saturday.
The worst of both worlds
I started doing that thing where you mentally calculate how many productive hours you have left and how much you could still accomplish if you just got your act together right now.
But here's the thing—I wasn't actually relaxing. I was just sitting there feeling guilty about not being productive, which is possibly the worst of both worlds. Not productive AND not rested.
I think this is what a lot of us do, especially those of us who are used to being high achievers. We tell ourselves we're taking a break, but we're actually just procrastinating with a side of self-judgment.
We're not really resting because we're busy feeling bad about resting.
The permission problem
I was talking to a client about this earlier this week, and she said something that really stuck with me: "I don't know how to relax without feeling like I'm doing something wrong."
When did rest become this thing we have to earn instead of this thing we just need as humans?
I think it's because we've been taught that our worth is tied to our productivity. That good people are busy people. That if you have time to rest, you must not be trying hard enough.
So there I was on Saturday, caught between being too tired to be productive and too guilty to actually rest. And that's when I realized: this isn't a time management problem. It's a permission problem.
The experiment that changed everything
I decided to try something. Instead of fighting the urge to do nothing, I was going to lean into it. I was going to be intentionally, aggressively, unapologetically unproductive.
I was going to treat rest like an activity instead of like the absence of activity.
So I made myself a second cup of coffee, put on comfortable clothes, and declared Saturday a do-nothing day. Not because I had earned it or finished everything else, but because I'm a human being who sometimes needs to just exist without producing anything.
And you know what happened? For the first time in weeks, I actually felt relaxed. Not guilty-relaxed or anxious-relaxed. Just... calm.
By Sunday, I had energy again. Not because I forced myself to be productive on Saturday, but because I had actually rested.
What I'm learning
I've been thinking about this a lot since then, especially in sessions with clients who are exhausted but can't give themselves permission to slow down.
We've somehow convinced ourselves that being tired is a moral failing instead of just information about what we need.
What if rest isn't something we have to earn? What if it's just something we need, like food or water? What if productivity isn't actually a measure of our worth as people?
Your turn
I'm curious about how this lands for you. Do you struggle with productivity guilt? Do you find it hard to rest without feeling like you should be doing something else?
Hit reply and tell me. I think a lot of us are walking around exhausted because we've forgotten that we're human beings, not human doings.
Maybe the most productive thing we can do sometimes is absolutely nothing. Maybe rest is the foundation that makes everything else possible.
What would it feel like to give yourself permission to just be?
Talk to you soon,
Mary
If productivity guilt is your thing, you're in good company. Learning to rest without earning it might be the most radical act of self-care there is.
It’s the Puritan streak in our ethics. No productivity equals no value. Companies like Amazon take it to an extreme. Sometime just recharging is important.