The Day I Decided To Stop Making Myself Small For Everyone Else
"Isn't that a little... much?" someone asked when they saw my bright orange office wall and Disney mural. "Yes," I said. "And I love it."
"Isn't that a little... much?" someone asked when they saw my bright orange office wall and Disney mural.
"Yes," I said. "And I love it."
For years, I kept my personality carefully contained. I made myself smaller to avoid making others uncomfortable. I hid the parts of myself that were too enthusiastic, too colorful, too joyful.
Then I decided I was tired of being afraid of taking up space.
When brightness feels dangerous
I'd learned early that being "too much" was risky. Too excited, too successful, too happy. Better to blend in, stay quiet, let others shine.
But dimming yourself doesn't actually help anyone. It just deprives the world of your unique contribution.
When I started showing up fully as myself—colors and enthusiasm and Disney mural included—something unexpected happened: my work got better.
The cost of playing small
Before I painted my office orange, I was the beige therapist. Professional. Appropriate. Forgettable.
My clients connected with me, but slowly. It took weeks to build the rapport that now happens in the first session.
I was so focused on being "professional" that I forgot the most professional thing you can do is be authentically yourself. People don't connect with credentials—they connect with humans.
I realized I'd been following what I now recognize as people-pleasing patterns—making myself smaller to avoid making others uncomfortable.
What full expression looks like
This is the Rise phase of the Life Upgrade Method—upgrading from small, safe versions of yourself to the full expression of who you are.
When I share stories about our Disneyland trips now, I don't apologize for the joy they bring our family. I talk about the magic of watching my kids be kids, the peace I feel when we're all present together, the laughter that happens when we let ourselves play.
When I got Brutus and named him after the Ohio State mascot, I didn't hide my enthusiasm for college football. I wore my team colors proudly, decorated for game days, taught my kids the team chants.
Some people relate to that joy. Others don't. Both responses are okay.
The permission to be seen
I watch my clients struggle with this same fear—the fear of being too much. Too successful, too happy, too bright.
One client, Rebecca, got a promotion and bought her first house, but instead of celebrating, she was apologizing. "I think I've been afraid of being too much," she said, looking around my colorful office. "Seeing your space makes me realize I've been making myself smaller to make other people comfortable."
The truth is, when you dim your light to make others comfortable, you rob them of the inspiration your joy could provide.
This connects to what I explored about embracing your standards without perfectionism—there's a difference between being your authentic self and trying to be perfect.
Your full self is not too much
In a world that often asks women to be smaller, quieter, less intense, choosing to show up fully is a radical act.
Your enthusiasm is not too much. Your success is not something to apologize for. Your joy is not inappropriate.
When you stop making yourself smaller, you give everyone permission to shine brighter.
The ripple effect of authenticity
When Rebecca started showing up as her full self—posting about her promotion without apologizing, wearing colors that made her feel confident, letting herself be excited about her accomplishments—people responded differently.
"Not with judgment like I expected," she told me, "but with curiosity. Like my happiness gave them permission to be happy too."
This is what happens when you stop hiding your light. You don't just change your own life—you give others permission to stop hiding theirs.
What I'm wondering
What parts of yourself have you been hiding because you're afraid they're "too much"? What would change if you believed that your full self—colors and enthusiasm and all—is exactly what the world needs?
You don't have to make yourself smaller to make room for others. There's enough space for everyone to shine.
Your brightness is not something to apologize for. It's something to celebrate.
A few friendly notes: Client names are always changed to protect privacy. This newsletter may contain affiliate links to products I genuinely love and use myself. While I'm a licensed therapist, this content is for educational purposes and isn't medical advice - think of it as a conversation with a friend who happens to know about mental health. For personalized support, always consult your healthcare provider.