Spring is waking everything up. But not every pattern needs to wake up with it.
I was sitting in my office last week when a client asked me: “But what do I actually do when I catch myself in the pattern?”
It was the best question she could have asked. Because knowing the pattern exists is only half the work. The other half is knowing how to step out of it when your body’s muscle memory is screaming to stay in.
Here’s what I told her — and what I want to tell you:
Your first job isn’t to fix the pattern. It’s to gather information.
When you notice yourself defaulting to autopilot — when you’re saying yes when you want to say no, or pushing through exhaustion instead of asking for rest — that’s not failure. That’s actually awareness. That’s the moment before the pivot.
The pivot happens in the pause. (I wrote about this more in Can We Sleep On It? — worth a read if you tend to react first and reconsider later.)
So this week, I want you to try something deceptively simple: When you catch yourself in the pattern, ask one question: “What do I actually need right now?”
Not: “What should I do?” Not: “What would everyone else want?” Just: What. Do. I. Need.
You don’t have to act on the answer immediately. You don’t have to overhaul your life based on one moment of clarity. You just have to answer the question truthfully.
Maybe you’re at 2pm and realize you haven’t eaten. Maybe you’re in a conversation and you feel yourself shrinking. Maybe you’re about to agree to something and your whole body is saying no. In any of those moments, pause and ask: What do I actually need?
The answer might be: I need food. I need to speak up. I need five minutes. I need to set a boundary.
Write it down if you want to. Say it out loud if you need to hear it. But most importantly, just let yourself know that you know.
Because here’s the thing about patterns — they run on silence. They survive because you don’t acknowledge them. The second you name what you need, the pattern loses its invisibility. It becomes a choice instead of an autopilot.
And once you see a choice, you can make a different one.
You don’t have to act perfectly this week. You don’t have to transform overnight. You just have to gather information. You just have to notice. You just have to ask yourself what you actually need.
Everything changes from there.
If this is the kind of work you’ve been craving — not just reading about it, but doing it alongside other women — The Intentional Life is where that happens. Founding member pricing is still available, but not for long.
"The pivot happens in the pause. When you gather information instead of react, you move from autopilot to choice."
Pivot Prompt: What's one thing you do on autopilot this week where you might pause and ask, "What do I actually need?"
newsletter | community | about
A few friendly notes: Names are always changed to protect privacy. This newsletter may contain affiliate links to products I genuinely love and use myself. While I'm a licensed counselor, this content is for educational purposes and isn't medical advice — think of it as a conversation with a friend who happens to know about mental health. For personalized support, always consult your healthcare provider.
📄 Want a place to start? Download 5 Pivots That Changed Everything — my free guide to the reframes that changed how the women I work with show up in their lives. Click here for instant access.
🧡 Want to do this work with support? The Intentional Life is open — and founding members get the best rate we’ll ever offer ($127/6 months or $197/year). Weekly content, workshops, live Q&As, and a room full of women doing the same work. Use code FOUNDING at checkout — or click here and it’s already applied. Through April 30th only.
✨ Not sure where to start? Take the free quiz: Which Part of Your Life Is Quietly Asking for Attention? — it takes 2 minutes and might surprise you.
This feels refreshing and validating. I have been reading a lot of comments about how self awareness alone can't a break a habit; action is also needed. I do think this is true but because there are so much emphasis on taking actions and making changes happen (and very little on the space between self awareness and actions), I am doubting the changes that occurred within me when a pattern loosened and there is more space around it without me changing too much on the outside. Reading this makes me feel better about my pacing.