I Set A Boundary That Changed My Entire Relationship With "Better"
There are always options. Always something better to consider. Until I realized this constant evaluation was exhausting me...
There are always options. Always something better to consider.
In Arizona, there's always a new neighborhood to explore, a different school to evaluate, a better opportunity somewhere else. I'm not sure if this is a trauma response, part of living on the West Coast, part of being a millennial, or just the reality of parenting in 2025.
But I realized this constant evaluation was exhausting me. So I set a boundary that changed everything: I stopped looking.
When choice becomes chaos
The hot topic in my social circles is always schools. As teachers leave and friends switch schools and new options open up, I'm constantly faced with assessing whether our kids should stay at the school they've attended since kindergarten or pursue something different.
And it's not just schools. There are always opportunities to relocate locally or move to a different state entirely. We moved from Ohio to Arizona 16 years ago, so I know moves can be opportunities for growth and new experiences.
But here's what I learned: Just because you can change something doesn't mean you should.
The moment I chose enough
Last spring, I was deep in one of these "should we switch schools?" spirals when my son came running into the house after school.
"Mom!" he said, breathless with excitement. "Mr. Johnson gave me a new nickname. He calls me "smiling chicken."
He was glowing. This teacher knew him, valued him, and had fun with him. He felt seen and cared for in a way that had nothing to do with test scores or rankings.
That's when I realized: I was so busy looking for something better that I was missing what was already beautiful.
The power of contentment
This is what the Renewal phase of the Life Upgrade Method taught me: Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is break up with the pattern of always seeking more.
My kids love their school. They have teachers who know their names, their strengths, their quirks. They feel safe and valued and excited to learn. When I pick them up in the afternoon, they get in the car saying they had the best day nearly every day.
Yes, there are other schools. There will always be other schools. But why was I treating "good enough" as if it wasn't actually good enough?
This relates to what I wrote about FOMO and mental health—the constant feeling that we should be somewhere else, doing something different.
What contentment really means
I had to separate contentment from complacency. Contentment isn't giving up on growth or improvement. It's the wisdom to know when you already have what you're looking for.
The same thing happened with our house. We could probably find something bigger, newer, in a different area. But we've worked hard to create peace and beauty in the life we have here in Arizona. We have relationships, routines, a sense of home.
I set a boundary to stop constantly wondering if we should be somewhere else and started being grateful for where we are.
This is what I meant when I wrote about protecting your energy reserves—sometimes the most important boundary is with your own need to constantly optimize.
The freedom of choosing what you have
When you stop treating your life like a rough draft, you start living it fully.
Instead of seeing our house as temporary—something we might outgrow or upgrade—I started seeing it as our home. I invested in making our space more beautiful. I created a backyard that feels like a sanctuary even when it's 115 degrees outside.
Instead of always evaluating our kids' school, I started appreciating the community we've found there. The teachers who love our children. The friendships our kids have built.
The questions that changed everything
Instead of asking "Could we do better?" I started asking:
Are my kids thriving?
Do they feel loved and supported?
Are they learning and growing?
Do they come home happy more often than not?
The answers were all yes. And that was enough.
What I'm wondering
What decision are you constantly second-guessing even though it's working? What "good enough" situation are you treating as if it's not actually good enough?
Sometimes the upgrade isn't finding something better. It's fully appreciating what you already have.
A few friendly notes: Client names are always changed to protect privacy. This newsletter may contain affiliate links to products I genuinely love and use myself. While I'm a licensed therapist, this content is for educational purposes and isn't medical advice - think of it as a conversation with a friend who happens to know about mental health. For personalized support, always consult your healthcare provider.