Memorial Day weekend just passed. A long weekend. Slow mornings. The kind of evening light that makes you want to stay outside for one more minute. The chance to notice what happens when you actually have time — and when you let yourself be still enough to feel it.

I have a blog post I wrote a while back called “How I Built A Joy-Filled Life One Small Choice At A Time.”

I wrote it half in a journal, half in a coffee shop, without any plan for where it would go. I was just telling the truth about how my life changed — not through some dramatic, earth-shattering pivot, but through a thousand small yeses.

A yes to Disneyland passes. A yes to sleeping in on Sunday. A yes to buying the book that caught my eye. A yes to the conversation that scared me. A yes to taking an hour just for me. A yes to saying no when I didn’t want something.

Small yeses.

But here’s the thing about small yeses: They compound.

You say yes to one good thing, and suddenly you start believing you deserve good things. You say no to one draining situation, and suddenly you have energy for things that matter. You spend one morning doing something that brings you joy, and suddenly you’re rearranging your schedule to create more mornings like that.

It’s not like you wake up one day and your life is completely different. It’s like you wake up one day and realize: “Oh. I actually built this. This is a life I chose. One small yes at a time.”

And that’s when you stop waiting for someone to give you permission. That’s when you realize you’ve had permission all along. You just never used it.

The women I work with ask me all the time: “How do I get to where you are? How do I build a life that actually feels like mine?”

And the honest answer is: You start small. You name one thing. You say yes to it. You let yourself have it. You notice how that feels. And then you say yes to something else.

Can it be this easy?

Yes. It actually can.

I’m not going to tell you that building a life you love is effortless. There’s work. There’s discomfort. There’s the part where you have to face your own beliefs about whether you deserve it. There’s the part where people might judge you for choosing yourself. There’s the part where you have to sit with guilt and keep going anyway.

But the actual architecture of change? It’s surprisingly simple. It’s: Name it. Claim it. Do it. Notice what shifts. Do it again.

Small yeses. One at a time.

That’s not nothing. That’s everything.

Because by the time you look back — and you will look back, eventually, and be amazed — you won’t be able to point to one moment where everything changed. You’ll just see a whole life that’s different. A life that’s yours. A life that makes you feel alive.

And it got there one small yes at a time.

So this week, take a minute outside. Not on your phone. Not planning next week. Just you and the sky and whatever gratitude wants to surface. Look at where you were four weeks ago. And look at where you are now. Let yourself feel thankful — not the obligatory kind, but the kind that rises up when you realize I did something brave this month.

And then — pass the permission slip. The woman next to you — your sister, your friend, the coworker who's holding it all together — she might need someone to tell her what you heard this month. That wanting isn't selfish. That her desires matter. That she's allowed to build a life she actually loves. Send her a podcast that moved you. Text her a quote that stuck. Share this newsletter. When you pour from fullness into someone else's life, that's not sacrifice — that's purpose. That's your spirit work extending beyond yourself.

So your job this week isn’t to overhaul your existence. Your job is to say yes to one thing. Just one. And then notice what that feels like.

Everything else builds from there.

If this month has felt like permission — I built a room for that. The Intentional Life is a community of women saying yes to themselves, together. Our May window is open.

Say yes to The Intentional Life

Pivot Prompt: What's one small yes you could say this week that would feel like choosing yourself?

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🧡 This month was permission. Next month is practice. The Intentional Life is where women take these ideas and actually live them — workshops, live Q&As, therapy guides, and a room full of women doing the same work. Use code MAY75 for $75 off — $222/year. Join before June.

✨ Not sure what your next step is? Take the free quiz: Which Part of Your Life Is Quietly Asking for Attention? — it might help you decide.

May is the month women do everything for everyone. Field day permission slips. End-of-year projects. Someone’s birthday. Can you even remember what you wanted?

I used to think the opposite of selfishness was self-sacrifice.

I thought if I wanted something for myself, that meant I was taking from someone else. That my desires were a zero-sum game where my win was someone else’s loss. So the responsible, loving thing to do was to want as little as possible. To ask for as little as possible. To make myself as small and undemanding as possible.

I thought that was virtue.

It wasn’t until I was sitting with one of my clients that I heard how twisted that logic actually was. She was telling me about a situation where her boss was paying her less than market rate, and she was about to accept it because she didn’t want to be “difficult.” She was going to suffer a financial loss to avoid making waves.

And I heard her say: “I don’t want to be selfish.”

And I stopped.

Because I realized: Accepting poor treatment because you’re afraid of being “selfish” isn’t kindness. It’s teaching people that you don’t have standards. That you’re willing to eat shit and call it pudding.

That’s the opposite of virtue. That’s abandonment of yourself.

The reframe starts here: Wanting fair treatment isn’t selfish. Asking for what you’re worth isn’t selfish. Saying no to things that drain you isn’t selfish. Setting a standard for how you’ll be treated isn’t selfish.

All of those things are self-respect.

And self-respect — real self-respect — is actually magnetic. It’s attractive. It’s the opposite of repulsive.

When you respect yourself, people respect you. When you set standards, people rise to them (or they leave, which is also fine). When you say clearly what you want and what you won’t accept, you attract people and situations that actually honor that.

But what happens in the opposite direction — when you shrink and ask for nothing and accept whatever comes? You attract people and situations that take advantage of that. Because you’ve taught them that’s who you are.

The women who’ve “lost themselves” aren’t usually the ones who asked for too much. They’re the ones who asked for nothing.

They accepted the job that paid too little. The relationship that took too much. The friendship that never reciprocated. The family dynamic that centered everyone else’s comfort. And they called it virtue.

But it wasn’t. It was erasure.

Here’s what I want you to know: Wanting more isn’t selfish. Wanting to be paid what you’re worth isn’t selfish. Wanting a partner who shows up isn’t selfish. Wanting to take care of your own life instead of managing everyone else’s isn’t selfish.

Those are all acts of self-respect.

And self-respect is magnetic. It changes everything.

And here's the part nobody talks about: when a woman finds herself, she finds her capacity to give in ways that actually matter. Not from depletion — from fullness. The woman who knows her worth volunteers for the cause she believes in, not out of obligation but out of genuine fire. She mentors the younger woman because she has something real to offer. She contributes to things bigger than herself — not because she's erasing herself, but because she's so herself that her impact naturally extends outward.

When you finally say: “I’m worth that. I deserve that. I expect that” — things shift. The people who can meet you there stay. The people who need you to be smaller leave. And that’s not a loss. That’s a recalibration.

Before you set your next boundary, get still for a minute. Not to talk yourself out of it — to talk yourself into it from the right place. Pray about it. Sit with it. Take a walk and let the quiet show you whether this boundary is coming from self-respect or from reactivity. There's a difference. Stillness is where clarity lives.

And while you're there, let yourself feel grateful — not for the situation that's costing you, but for the woman who's finally brave enough to say enough. She deserves your gratitude. She is you.

This is the kind of reframe we practice inside The Intentional Life — a community of women learning that self-respect isn’t selfish, it’s magnetic.

Pivot Prompt: Where are you accepting less than you deserve and calling it kindness? What if that's actually abandonment of yourself?

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🧡 Done shrinking? The Intentional Life is a community of women who are setting standards and building lives that match. Use code MAY75 for $75 off — $222/year. Join now.

✨ Where does your life need attention most? Take the free quiz: Which Part of Your Life Is Quietly Asking for Attention?

💛 Know a woman who needs this on Tuesdays? Share The Tuesday Pivot and I’ll send you a thank-you:

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This is the week everyone asks what Mom wants. But here’s the question nobody asks: Do you even let yourself answer honestly?

I’m going to give you an assignment this week. And it’s the simplest and hardest thing you’ll do.

I want you to name one thing you want.

Not something you think you should want. Not something that’s practical or responsible or on your five-year plan. Just one thing that, when you imagine it, makes you feel a little bit more alive.

It could be:

• A morning to yourself (without guilt)

• A skill you’ve wanted to learn (but told yourself you were too old/busy/untalented)

• A conversation you’ve been avoiding (because you’re terrified of what you might ask for)

• A rest that actually feels like rest (not just checking off a task)

• An experience that makes you feel beautiful or brave

• Time to make something — art, music, a garden, a life that feels like yours

Not all of those will resonate. That’s fine. Find the one that does.

Now here’s the important part: Say it out loud.

Not in your head. Say it with your voice. “I want ______.”

You might feel ridiculous. You might feel selfish. You might feel like you’re asking for too much. That’s the guilt talking. That’s the old permission structure. Say it anyway.

I want this. This is what I want.

You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to deserve it. You don’t have to do anything. You just get to want it.

And then — this is key — you get to let yourself know that you want it.

I’m not asking you to completely restructure your life this week. I’m not asking you to make it happen overnight. I’m just asking you to name it. To claim it. To stop pretending you don’t want something you actually want.

Because here’s what I’ve learned: You cannot build a life you want if you won’t even admit to yourself what you want.

The guilt will try to convince you that naming a desire is the same as being selfish. That saying “I want” means someone else loses. That your desires are inconvenient. That you should keep wanting nothing and be grateful.

But naming a desire isn’t the same as demanding someone else sacrifice for you. It’s just you getting to know yourself better. It’s you saying: “This matters to me.”

And that matters.

Here's something else I want you to sit with: gratitude and desire aren't opposites. You can be deeply thankful for what you have and want more. In fact, the women I know who practice gratitude most honestly are the ones who also give themselves permission to want. Gratitude without desire is just settling. Desire without gratitude is just striving. But together? That's a woman who knows her life is good and believes it can be even better.

So this week, find that one thing. Say it out loud. Write it down if you need to. Sit with it — outside if you can. Something about fresh air and open sky makes the truth come easier. Let yourself feel whatever comes up — guilt, hope, fear, longing. All of it is allowed.

You’re not breaking anything by wanting more. You’re building something: a relationship with your own life that’s actually honest.

Start there.

And if you tried and nothing came? If you sat with the question and the answer wasn't there yet? That's not failure. That's the beginning. Some women have been disconnected from their own desires for so long that the signal needs time to come back. Stay open. The wanting is in there — it might just need a little more quiet before it speaks.

If naming what you want feels like work you’re ready to do with support — The Intentional Life is where women practice this together. Not perfectly. Just honestly.

Join The Intentional Life

Pivot Prompt: What's one thing you want that you haven't said out loud? Try saying it this week.

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🧡 Ready to name what you want — with support? The Intentional Life is where women stop shrinking and start claiming. Use code MAY75 for $75 off — $222/year. Join now.

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When you’re ready, here are ways to go deeper:

🧡 The Intentional Life — our community for women doing this work together. Workshops, live Q&As, therapy guides, and a room that actually gets it. Regular pricing: $97/quarter or $297/year. Learn more →

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May is when desert plants bloom fiercely, unrestrained by oversight. The cactus doesn’t seek permission before unfolding its spines, and the desert rose doesn’t apologize for casting vibrant colors across the arid landscape. Nature doesn’t negotiate its own resilience. I think there’s a lesson in that, worth reflecting on.

I remember the exact moment I gave myself permission to want things.

It wasn’t in therapy. It wasn’t in a book. It was in a parking lot at Disneyland, and it was the most ordinary permission I’d ever needed to give myself.

We were getting our annual passes — one of those decisions I kept pushing back because part of me thought it was too much. Too expensive for “just a fun thing.” Too indulgent when there were bills to pay and “real” priorities to focus on. Too nice for someone like me who grew up thinking nice things were for other people.

But my daughter asked. And I’d already said no a dozen times. And something inside me finally cracked open.

I bought the passes. And I cried in the car.

Not because of the money. Because of what it meant. It meant I was finally saying: “My family deserves this. I deserve this. It’s okay to want something beautiful and make it happen.”

Looking back now, I realize that decision wasn’t about Disneyland at all. It was about giving myself permission to want a life that felt good — not just functional, but actually good.

I grew up believing something I never questioned: That good things were for other people. That wanting them was selfish. That the responsible move was to play small, want less, take what you’re given and be grateful for it.

Nobody told me this directly. But I learned it in a thousand small ways. In the conversation where my parent made a choice for themselves and I watched everyone else suffer the consequences. In the unspoken belief that love meant self-sacrifice. In the idea that the most noble thing you could do was want nothing for yourself.

So I spent years being very good at wanting nothing.

Then one day I realized: I’d become an expert at living for approval instead of living for myself.

And the women I work with? They tell me the same story. Over and over. “I feel guilty for wanting more. For having nice things. For taking up space with my dreams.” They apologize for wanting to be paid fairly. For needing time alone. For saying no. For asking for help. For building something that’s just for them.

It’s like we inherited this belief that our desires are selfish by default. That wanting a beautiful life means someone else has to suffer. That abundance is a pie where your slice makes someone else’s slice smaller.

But what if that’s not true?

What if the most selfish thing you can do is abandon your own life to make everyone else comfortable?

Here’s what changed for me: I realized I was modeling something for my daughters. I was teaching them — without words — that being a woman meant shrinking. Wanting less. Apologizing for existing. Prioritizing everyone else’s comfort over your own aliveness.

And I decided I didn’t want that to be their story.

So I started with small permissions. The Disneyland passes. Taking an hour for myself without guilt. Saying no without over-explaining. Buying the coffee I actually wanted instead of the cheapest option. Getting the painting for my office that made me happy, even though it wasn’t “practical.”

Small permissions. One at a time.

And something shifted.

You can be humble and still deserve amazing things.

You can be generous and still honor your own desires. You can be a good person and want a beautiful life. Those things aren’t in conflict. They’re in conversation.

The permission to want more isn’t selfish. It’s actually an act of courage — because it means you’re finally saying: “My life matters. My desires matter. I matter.”

And when you say that about yourself, you start modeling something different for the people around you. You show them they matter too.

And if you don’t know what you want yet? That’s okay too. Some women have been disconnected from their desires for so long that the answer isn’t available on demand. If that’s you, you’re not behind. You’re at the beginning. Being open to not knowing is its own kind of permission slip — it says, I trust that the answer will come when I’m still enough to hear it.

Try this: take five minutes outside this week — just you and the May air — and ask yourself quietly: What do I actually want? Don’t force an answer. Just listen. Sometimes our desires won’t speak to us when we’re running — they wait for us to be still. Prayer, meditation, a slow walk — whatever gets you quiet enough to hear yourself think. That’s where the wanting lives.

If this resonated — if you’ve been quietly wanting something and denying yourself permission — The Intentional Life is a community of women doing exactly this work. Not alone. Together.

Join The Intentional Life

Pivot Prompt: What's one thing you've been denying yourself because you thought it was selfish to want it? What if you were wrong?

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🧡 Want to go deeper? The Intentional Life is a community for women who are done shrinking and ready to build. Use code MAY75 for $22 off — $75/quarter. Join now.

✨ Not sure where to start? Take the free quiz: Which Part of Your Life Is Quietly Asking for Attention? — it takes 2 minutes and might surprise you.

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